When My Time Comes, Will I Be Satisfied With The Life I’ve Lived?
Life is probably the most perplexing mystery that the human mind can fathom. It’s sometimes difficult to distinguish the difference between living and existing. We figure that as long as we wake up and conscious of everything around us, then we’re alive. Some of us fear what’s on the other side because we think there’s still much more of life to live. Others probably don’t fear it as much and are more afraid of continuing to exist in the shell they’ve inherited. It’s no secret that the world is incredibly flawed. This year alone has given every right to lose faith in living, humanity, and the pursuit of happiness — but then there’s the art of storytelling.
For many across the globe, this past year has been taxing and leaving us all in desperate need of escapism. Film was the catalyst in keeping many Americans head above water during the Great Depression and it continues to serve that purpose, among many others, to this day. The movie Soul posed the most existential question in life:
When my time comes, will I be satisfied with the life I’ve lived?
As of 24-year-old, many would assume this isn’t nor should it be the top question in my head. Yet, this past year in quarantine has provided the opportunity to reflect on my short-lived life thus far and ask myself, am I satisfied? Spending every day the same way as the day before triggers the usual overthinking. There are peers I went to high school and college with who decided to travel the world (yes, even during a pandemic — not the greatest idea), others are getting engaged and having kids, and some are like me, working every day in an entry-level job, feeling discouraged from ever accomplishing their dreams. It feels as if I, along with many others are wasting this gift called life. Or… perhaps we’re not.
Throughout our life, we’re told to find our passions, our spark, our purpose, yet find difficulties in defining what exactly those are. We build up these words to be synonymous with some larger-than-life aspect of our identity, spend too much time searching for that spark, defining our purpose, and working our hardest to accomplish our set out goals, all the while, we forget to live. We put the little things on the back burner, like the morning call you get from your parents, or sitting on the beach on a beautiful summer day, or perhaps picking out an outfit for the first day of school, maybe even as simple as watching the YouTube videos that provided solace. Finding happiness every day is not a realistic expectation, nor should it be. Some days you’ll be sad and won’t understand exactly why. Nevertheless, finding happiness in the little things, as cliche as that may sound, is the core ethos of life.
When I was younger, I felt my purpose in life was to make others around me happy. I would work overtime to please my family, my friends, and sometimes, even strangers. The idea of being the villain in someone else’s story would destroy me from the inside out. I worked so hard at living for others, that I forgot to live for myself. I would eventually find myself in the middle of an identity crisis and engaging in dissociative behavior. The fears I once had about failing in my purpose, soon transformed into crippling anxiety in never discovering my purpose at all. Day-by-day, I questioned everything about myself till it got to where I wasn’t even sure if I was living or existing anymore.
Fast-forward to 2020, I’ve become one step closer to fully understanding the meaning of life. I still don’t know it fully, and probably never will. I’ve let go of what I thought I needed to do, and now focus on what I want to do, letting a higher power steer me where I need to be. I find happiness in the little things in life, like eating my favorite snack (fruit roll-ups), taking advantage of a beautiful day and going for a run, watching music videos with my parents even if they want to go to sleep, and so on. There’s still room for the larger-than-life aspects of our lives, of course, but it’s even more important to acknowledge and appreciate the little things in your life. When my time comes, I hope I could look back on my life and feel a sense of comfort, warmth, and satisfaction. Life is a perplexing mystery, but it doesn’t have to be. Don’t think too much about it and try to take life as it comes to you. Take a chance on love, try a new dish on the menu, take the long way to work, and put as much energy in the little things as you did the big things.
When the moment comes, you’ll be able to look back on your time and never regretting the things unsaid, paths not taken, and the small moments that had the potential of making a tremendous impact.
